What a week this has been! Stinky has gotten used to his daily walks…multiple daily walks. He absolutely loves them. He has me pick him up and then he motions toward the front door and he’s not happy until he is convinced that we are going for a walk. I have no issue with this. I need the motivation to get more exercise. And boy is he motivation! He is so quiet and content just looking at the world around him as we walk.
Earlier this week, we had rain and COLD temperatures. On cooler days, I will bundle him up and take him on his walks but between the wind and rain added to the cold, it just wasn’t happening. We’ve been cooped up in the house, he’s teething big time and therefor terribly fussy, and I went about 3 nights in a row of not being able to fall asleep until 2-4am and then was getting up with him at 6am. Of course, he decided to cut his naps short on those days as well. On top of all of that, we are having work done on our house which means someone new in our house making lots of loud noises all day.
Daddy Minks and I have a schedule worked out where we both work on our own individual projects (or just have some alone time) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings after Stinky is in bed for the night. Last night was Wednesday and I was very much looking forward to that alone time after the week that it’s been. Naturally, Stinky decides to be a little turd and refuses to go to sleep at his usual bedtime. I got him to sleep eventually, took my shower, checked my email (which was all out of order, and I wasted too much time trying to fix that nonsense) and before I knew it, it was 10pm and I had done nothing that I wanted to do. I’m beyond frustrated with the entire day (week, actually) at this point and that’s when my mom texts me to inform me that any post she made that had my blog web address in it, has been removed by Facebook. I check my Facebook and sure enough, my web link has been removed and any post that had my link in it was removed. I’m just trying to write a freakin blog here and let people know about it and Mr. Zuckerberg has a problem with it apparently. At this point, I’ve lost all patience and have given up on trying to have a productive and relaxing night, so I called it a night and went to bed frustrated.
I often feel terribly guilty when I get frustrated with my days as a stay-at-home mom. This is what I wanted more than anything. We went through loss and IVF and more loss and a traumatic birth to bring our Stinky Minks into our lives and we love him to pieces. He’s so special and I wouldn’t change anything about my life. I get so angry with myself for having the nerve to complain about a bad day or bad week even because I am incredibly blessed. I have to remind myself that it’s completely normal and acceptable to still have bad days and get frustrated. It doesn’t mean that I’m not happy with my life. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. It doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful for everything that I have. I’m human. I imagine many, if not all, moms feel this on occasion. And then I’m sure those feelings are followed by guilt as well. I don’t know how we stop feeling guilty for having completely normal feelings of frustration, but I am certain that it does not mean that we aren’t good moms or that we would want our lives to be any different than they are.
Stinky woke up right about the time I started to fall asleep last night. I went to his room and laid with him, and he held my hand and fell back asleep. I stayed in there with him. Partly to ease my guilt for feeling frustrated with his fussiness this week, but mostly because there is no better feeling than knowing that your child just needed to be close to you.
