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Becoming a mom at a young age had its benefits. I bounced right back after pregnancies, had energy to chase after toddlers and could function quite well on no sleep.
Of course it had its downsides as well. I was inexperienced and thought the only parenting education I needed was my “mothers intuition”. Mother’s intuition is certainly real and incredibly important in parenting but to be a well rounded parent who raises well rounded children, you might want to consider maybe reading a book or two on parenting.
I knew parenting books were out there when I was 19 years old and pregnant with my first baby but there was no way in hell I was going to let some stranger tell me how I should parent my child. I already had all of the answers (hello… I was a teenager).
So there I was, just turned 20 years old 8 days prior and giving birth to my baby girl. The nurse asks me if I plan on breastfeeding. “Of course!” After all, it’s the most natural and healthy thing a mom can do for her baby. They offer to show me how to do it and I think they must think I’m an idiot. You put the baby to your breast and let them suck the milk out! The first week of breastfeeding, I realize that this seems way harder than it’s supposed to be and I must not be making enough milk to fill my baby so a trusted adult told me I should just switch to formula. So I did. Later in life, I would learn (from actually doing some research on breastfeeding) that I gave up way too soon and it’s not easy for anyone in the beginning.
Fast forward a few years and we decide that baby girl needs a sibling to have someone to play with and be best friends with. She is super excited at the idea of being a big sister.
A few months later and we’re expecting baby number 2. It’s a boy! Baby boy is born and big sister is in love. He is HER baby! It was everything I hoped it would be. She loves feeding her brother bottles and holding him and helping with his baths and rubbing and kissing his head. I
just knew they would be best friends.
Baby boy becomes mobile and is suddenly in sister’s space constantly grabbing her things and slobbering on everything and ripping his diaper off and peeing on her food she was eating (true story) and constantly interrupting her and her friends playing in her room. He adores his big sister and wants to be with her and do everything she is doing every moment of the day and she HAS HAD ENOUGH. My dreams of them being besties is fading fast.
I never let anyone help with the kids or give me any advice because no one knew my kids like I did so what advice could they possibly offer that would be helpful. I just leaned into my mothers intuition even more. I felt like that was all I could trust and the only thing I needed in order to be the mom that my children needed.
My daughter started resenting my son because discipline looked different for him than it did for her because they were completely different from one another and what worked for one did not work for the other. Add that on top of her not being the only child anymore and she began missing the time when it was just her and mom and dad.
Hello pre-teen years and the beginning of what would be hell for the whole family for the next few years. Girls are hard! Especially in those pre-teen/teenage years. There is so much drama and uncontrollable emotions and constant head butting between her and mom. Add mental health problems to the mix and it was a nightmare. To say it was a rough time for everyone is an understatement. I became desperate and started reading those parenting books that I thought I was above. For some reason, reading those books made me feel like I was failing as a mother. I thought being a mom and everything that comes with it was just supposed to just come naturally and I would just know the right thing to do for my babies at all times. But I could tell my daughter was going down a dark path and I had to put my pride aside and try ANYTHING to help her and the rest of us through this time.
Surprise, surprise…..the books were helpful! Why was I so stubborn and waited so long before I asked for help? Yes, for me, reading a parenting book was like asking for help. I wanted to believe I had all the answers and didn’t need anyone telling me how to raise my kids. The more books I read, the more I realized that the books aren’t there to tell you what to do. They are there to tell you what has worked for others and what could likely work for you. It’s information that you can take or leave. You are still the parent and you are still the one raising your child but there are resources out there to help guide you along the way. It’s not a weakness to load yourself with knowledge on a topic that is important to you. And what is more important than raising happy, healthy children? Trust your intuition and armor yourself with as much knowledge as possible. Below are a few of my favorites.
- Hold On But Don’t Hold Still by Kristina Kuzmic
- Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! by Michael J Bradley
- Between Parent and Child by Dr Haim G Ginott